Home Sweet Home

Before I left for NYU in the fall of 2010, I wanted nothing more than to be able to live in NYC by myself, away from my parents, away from everything. I wanted a new start in college, to find a new identity, to redefine myself as a person. I never liked myself as a person that much in high school. I wanted a change but never felt like I could achieve that in my little town in Jersey. I already had a certain image/reputation and it kind of stuck with me. But New York gave me the perfect opportunity to make myself the person I wanted to be.

But freshman year of college was more than I could have ever anticipated, filled with stress from academics, drama from girls and friends, and personal disappointment. Despite meeting what eventually became my closest group of friends at NYU, I felt a sense of emptiness. And unlike my friends who all wanted desperately to go back home, I chose to stay in the city over the summer by working as a RA for one of NYU's dorms. I landed a position at Smilow Neuroscience Center at NYU Langone Medical Center as an undergraduate research assistant that summer. I managed to keep myself preoccupied most of the summer with research and studying in advance for organic chemistry. Not once did I want to go back home to Jersey to see my family. I don't know if it was because I kept myself busy all the time, because I just didn't miss my family actually, or because I just hated home that much.

Same thing happened the following year, I stayed by myself all summer in the city and continued my research at Smilow. I still didn't miss home all that much. For me, it was more of a hassle to have to travel back to Jersey (which is only a 50 minute trip in total). But I still went on holidays out of obligation. My parents would frequently ask when I would visit so I figured I should.

But for some reason, I began to miss being in Jersey more my junior year. Fall semester I just wanted to go home. I don't think I've ever looked forward to Thanksgiving so much. I probably made about five trips back home throughout the semester, which is equivalent to how many I had made probably the last two years combined. There was a sense of peace rather than boredom, just being able to talk to my family, cooking recipes with my mom, playing golf with my dad, and such.

I guess one way college has changed me is that I've began to appreciate home more. Maybe it's just a sign I'm actually maturing. Or maybe it's finally a sense of belonging? I'm not really sure what the reason is but I just want to go home, sit on my couch, watch tv all day, and eat popcorn.