Congratulations AACF Class of 2013

Congratulations to the class of 2013. I know that all of you will go on to do great things in your respective careers. Thank you all so much for your guidance and compassion over the last two years since I've joined AACF. Keep in touch!

May the best of your today's be the worst of your tomorrow's

Finally they got it right!

Thank you Venus for your compassion and steadfast guidance over the last two years. I still have so much to learn and hope that I can faithfully guide others the way you have.

Thank you Janelle for the fun, engaging conversations on Kimmel 7. I know that you will go on to be a great nurse because there is no one I can think of who is more compassionate and empathetic and caring as you.

Thank you Cathy for your enthusiasm and energy. The words outreach still resonate in my mind. I hope to see your photos on TIME or something one day! 

Thank you Carrie so much for all the long talks that I know must have frustrated you beyond belief. Thank you for always being the best jiejie anyone could ever ask for.

Thank you Lin for being the best bro over the last two years. We've talked about everything from girls to cars to photography. I hope there's more bro conversations to come.

To Smorgasburg in the Midst of Finals

Tiffany you look beautiful here :)

Lumpia Shack! Pork, truffle adobo mushroom, and duck

In the midst of finals, it was nice to just escape from studying and Manhattan for a few hours. My friend Tiffany and I went to Smorgasburg at Williamsburg, Brooklyn to eat some good food. Yay for foodies! As usual, Smorgasburg did not disappoint, although it would have been nicer if the weather cooperated. All in all, I had a great time, eating delicious food, going to random hipster clothing and jewelry stores, and such. Hope you had fun also Tiffany! :D

Brooklyn Oyster Party! ME, CT, RI

The famous Mighty Quinn's Brikset! Waited forever in line...

Cake Bites! salted caramel and chocolate mint

Find Me Here...

Find me here
and speak to me.
I want to feel You
I need to hear You.

It's a song I listen and sing to everyday. But sometimes I don't feel like that last line is how I truly feel...

Sometimes, I don't feel like "I need to hear you" because for the longest time I feel like I've been on my own - on my own with school, on my own dealing with my insecurities, on my own dealing with family problems, just on my own.

I think a lot of it has to do with pride. I'm proud of the fact that I can, for the most part, deal with school and academics on my own. I'm proud of the fact that I stayed strong through all the hardships my family experienced. I'm proud of a lot of things. And I want to feel You but for the longest time I've never felt like "I need to."

But lately, for some reason, that "I want to" has become an "I need to." And I know I need to but I just can't. I'm still afraid of letting go of the reins, letting go of everything and turning to You because for so long I've been in control, guiding my own fate. I don't know where you'll lead me to and to be honest it scares the shit out of me.

I think one of the scariest things I'm still trying to learn is that no matter how much effort and time I invest into something, such as school or even friends and family, I may still fall short and be disappointed. I've been taught by my parents since preschool that my success is directly correlated to the amount of effort and time I invest. And for the most part, my parents have been correct. When I practiced cello or guitar for hours on end, eventually I was able to master thumb position and artificial harmonics. When I shot hundreds of free throws, eventually I was able to make free throws at roughly a 84% clip. When I studied my ass off for organic chemistry, eventually I was able to earn one of the highest grade averages in the course.

But every so often I find situations where that correlation does not hold true. It depresses me when I realize that sometimes my effort and time were for nothing. And when I don't see the success and results that I expect, I feel confused, I feel lost, I feel broken. I'm tired of constantly trying to live up to society's expectations and standards. I'm tired of trying to prove to myself that I can do it. I'm tired of feeling like I'm not good enough. I'm just tired.

Other Christians tell me that Your love is more than anything I can ever ask for in this life. If that's so, why do I still want recognition and respect from others? Why do I want to hear from a girl those eight letters, three words? Why do I want things that are nearly unattainable? Is it just human nature to want something I can't have or is there an emptiness I'm trying to fill? Why do I still feel so broken? Why do I never feel satisfied? Why do I feel like I'm just not good enough?

I want to be able to scream:

You're all I want
You're all I need
You're everything

And really mean it. I don't want them to be empty lyrics to a song I just sing because I like the melody. I want those words to be a true representation of my desire for You to be my everything. Because...

How can I stand here with You
and not be moved by You?
Would You tell me 
how could it be
any better than this?

I Wish I Could Keep my Promise

So due to some unforeseen circumstances, I confessed to you slightly reluctantly. I didn't really think it would ever have to get to that point but I felt like you deserved an explanation as to why all your best friends were hiding something from you.

And I know we said that we would stay friends and stay close and that we'd be okay. We're going to be okay...right?

I want to tell you we're going to be okay and stay close. I really do. But I can't...because it wouldn't be the the truth.

I don't know if we will be. I don't know if I will be (at least for now).

I know it'll be hard for me but I think I need to step back for a moment and deal with my emotions on my own. I don't want to lose you as a friend and the way I see it is that I need to sort out my own feelings first before I can return to being the "best friend."

So if you ever get a chance to read this...
If I seem like I'm being distant...
If I seem like I'm being cold...
If I seem like I'm not making the effort to meet up...

It really isn't you...
It's just me...