Molly's Cupcakes

So people have been telling me that Molly's Cupcakes, located on Bleecker Street in the West Village, have these amazing cupcakes. And well, yeah they were pretty amazing. My mom had been asking me to bring her cupcakes to Jersey for the longest time. I think she was jealous that all her friend's daughters always brought sweets back and I never did. I'm not really the type to make the effort to go hunt down sweets and desserts. But I figured I should bring them back for once. And my goodness my entire family loved them. I can't wait to go back
again!

Ron Bennington, Blueberry Cheescake, Peach Cobbler, Crème brûlée

Finance and Christianity

Talking with my roommate, I mentioned how a lot of the Christians I know are in finance. He replied, "I don't understand how as a Christian you would ever go into finance or banking or anything of that sort. How is that supposed to be glorifying to God?"

And honestly I agree with him. A lot of the Sternies I know have said that they are simply interested in markets or find the job itself appealing but I always gave them the same response: "In the end, your entire career will still revolve around only one thing and that's maximizing profit."

How is a career that's based on making the most money you possibly can supposed to be glorifying to God? Are you actually doing anything that God calls upon you to do? I see people at Wall Street slaving away their lives, working for big shot MD's and CEO's. And for what purpose? Let's say it's not about the money. What else is there then? You get promoted and feel good about yourself? You get published in an article and earn fame and recognition? Everything is still about YOU. Sure you can say you're helping other people and companies by providing a service but the main goal is still to maximize profit. And no matter how you view it, the focal point will always be money.

If you ever come to a point where you have to lay someone off, are you going to just because somebody told you to? You might as well throw the poor soul off the Empire State Building. I'm quite disappointed and disgusted at how my fellow brothers and sisters in Christ can enter such a profession.

The reason I chose to go into medicine may seem cliché but I truly want to help others because I believe I can empathize with them. Ever since my mother was diagnosed with breast cancer, I've wanted nothing more than to be able to help others who experience similar situations. 

I guess I don't understand how two different professions can be so vastly different.

One Sweet Day

The good times that made us laugh outweigh the bad
And I thought we'd get to see forever
But forever's gone away
It's so hard to say
goodbye to yesterday~

할아버지, 잘지내고 있지?

I can't believe it's been nine years already. Never had I imagined I'd be graduating from college in one semester and heading to medical school. Seems like time just flew by. But it's still so vivid...hiking with you on your favorite trail, sitting at the mountaintop eating the 김밥 you rolled early in the morning, and watching the sunrise.

At the time, my world ended when mom told me you were diagnosed with lung cancer. Even today all I ask is why? I'm still waiting for God to give me an answer. And even though you never proclaimed to accept Jesus as your savior, I choose to believe you're watching down on me from Heaven next to Jesus because he's performed miracles before. I choose to believe that you're still smiling so hard it's hard to distinguish your eyes.

I hope that everything I've done up to this point has been enough. I know how much you have sacrificed so that I have all the opportunities you never did growing up. And before I go, there's just one last thing I want to say:

I won't be afraid
I'll be alright if you help me
I know you're looking down from Heaven
And I won't let you down
I'll be everything you taught me
And all that I know is I'll wait
Patiently to see you in Heaven

To Love the Unlovely

"If you do not give up, but proceed to love the unlovely in a sustained way, they will eventually become lovely to you." - The Meaning of Marriage by Tim Keller

The Bible and Christians talk a lot about love. And I mean A LOT. Jesus once said, "Love thy neighbor as thyself." (Mark 12:31) But I feel like I don't have the desire to love everyone like Jesus calls upon me to. Some people are really annoying, some people I feel like are not worth my time, some people I just dislike for no apparent reason, and some people I just don't envision myself ever getting along with. I can't tell what's worse - the idea that I can't ever come to love someone or that it doesn't bother me that I can't ever come to love someone. 

One of my friends once told me that apathy is worse than hatred or anger. I asked her why.
"If you feel annoyed or angry towards someone it means deep down you still care to some extent, but if you're just apathetic or indifferent it means you don't even care. And that's why I think apathy is worse."

I never thought of it that way. I'm pretty indifferent to a lot of things. If something bothers me I'll force myself to ignore it so that eventually I won't care. I guess that's like the opposite of what Tim Keller was trying to say in a way.

And not to whine or complain but that's a lot of effort to love everyone. I think I'd go crazy having to talk to certain people. But why does Jesus say to love our neighbors as much as we love ourselves, if not more? 

My first thought was that it relieves you of the burden of hatred and bitterness. I can say from personal experience that it becomes very tiresome very quickly to be bitter towards someone. It's like a virus that proliferates and doesn't stop. You actually spend more effort and energy consistently hating other people than loving them. Think about it. When you hate somebody, you make the effort to either avoid said person or to make said person feel miserable. That's a lot of work! Not only that but whenever you see said person you usually feel down yourself. Low serotonin! It's a self-perpetuating downward spiral.

A virus has to be stopped by some external force or it will eventually just destroy its host. Our desire to love must be catalyzed by an external force as well - that catalyst is Jesus himself. 

Through his grace, sacrifice, and unconditional love, we need to find the desire to love others as Jesus loved us. Despite all our sins and unworthiness, Jesus paid the ultimate price by dying on the cross so we that we may be reborn.

So as I write this, I ask myself, what keeps me from feeling that desire to love?

Home Sweet Home

Before I left for NYU in the fall of 2010, I wanted nothing more than to be able to live in NYC by myself, away from my parents, away from everything. I wanted a new start in college, to find a new identity, to redefine myself as a person. I never liked myself as a person that much in high school. I wanted a change but never felt like I could achieve that in my little town in Jersey. I already had a certain image/reputation and it kind of stuck with me. But New York gave me the perfect opportunity to make myself the person I wanted to be.

But freshman year of college was more than I could have ever anticipated, filled with stress from academics, drama from girls and friends, and personal disappointment. Despite meeting what eventually became my closest group of friends at NYU, I felt a sense of emptiness. And unlike my friends who all wanted desperately to go back home, I chose to stay in the city over the summer by working as a RA for one of NYU's dorms. I landed a position at Smilow Neuroscience Center at NYU Langone Medical Center as an undergraduate research assistant that summer. I managed to keep myself preoccupied most of the summer with research and studying in advance for organic chemistry. Not once did I want to go back home to Jersey to see my family. I don't know if it was because I kept myself busy all the time, because I just didn't miss my family actually, or because I just hated home that much.

Same thing happened the following year, I stayed by myself all summer in the city and continued my research at Smilow. I still didn't miss home all that much. For me, it was more of a hassle to have to travel back to Jersey (which is only a 50 minute trip in total). But I still went on holidays out of obligation. My parents would frequently ask when I would visit so I figured I should.

But for some reason, I began to miss being in Jersey more my junior year. Fall semester I just wanted to go home. I don't think I've ever looked forward to Thanksgiving so much. I probably made about five trips back home throughout the semester, which is equivalent to how many I had made probably the last two years combined. There was a sense of peace rather than boredom, just being able to talk to my family, cooking recipes with my mom, playing golf with my dad, and such.

I guess one way college has changed me is that I've began to appreciate home more. Maybe it's just a sign I'm actually maturing. Or maybe it's finally a sense of belonging? I'm not really sure what the reason is but I just want to go home, sit on my couch, watch tv all day, and eat popcorn.